![]() ![]() “Do things that make you feel good over these weeks,” advises Cleare. ![]() The best way to prepare yourself for the tough and gruelling five weeks of exams ahead is making sure you do what you need to charge yourself. If you become too enmeshed, planning their timetable, micromanaging their study time, then you’re getting in the way of your teen’s development.”Īnd exams are just the start, adds O’Malley: “The stumbling into adulthood begins now and your teen is going to lose their way many times over the next 10 to 15 years as they try to individuate, and your job is to keep your game face on and stay loving and supportive without becoming overly enmeshed.” Charge yourself “Exams, too, are a developmental milestone teenagers need to tackle independently. “If you keep tying your toddler’s shoelaces, they’ll never learn to do it themselves,” says O’Malley. But don’t do it before bed as they may seep into your sleep time.”Ī way of relieving your own stress is to understand that adolescents have development milestones they need to achieve just like toddlers. It’s a way of parking your worries and giving them airtime. “Then at the end of your time, when the alarm goes off, you’re done. “In that time, let all your worries out and worry really hard, all at once,” explains Cleare. Instead of clock-watching and nail-biting when your teen’s got Physics at 8.30am followed by Spanish at 1pm, dedicate 15 or 20 minutes of your day to no-hold barred, unfettered period of worrying. We have to get comfortable with our children’s discomfort.” Give yourself a worry time Acknowledge their anger or emotion – say, ‘I can see you’re really upset about this’ – and help them feel heard and understood and reassure them it’s going to be OK. “By facing these difficult moments they’re developing resilience and learning from their life experiences. We can often feel uncomfortable when our teen brings us big emotions and we immediately want to fix it, but we can’t. “What they feel is a bad exam means very little and can have no bearing on the actual result so try to remember that before you spiral,” says Cleare. “It gives you perspective.” Focus on being a steady presenceĪ bad exam might send your teen into emotional freefall and you into a panic too, but a parent’s role – however difficult it may be – is to stay calm, allow them to vent and to listen. “They might be able to tell you about their child who messed up in English yet went to University or has since got themselves a great job,” says Stella O’Malley, psychotherapist and author of What Your Teen is Trying to Tell You. It’s also a good idea to seek out older, wiser friends whose kids have gone through exams and come out the other side. “We do need moral support from our friends but if you come away from any interactions feeling on edge or under pressure, then best to avoid that friend until the exams are over or ask not to talk about the exams as you’re feeling stressed.” “Comparisons can be really dangerous and can undermine our wellbeing and put pressure on our teens,” says Cleare. There’s nothing worse than going for a coffee with a friend whose daughter is working six hours a day in the library while yours is doing one – if that. Lifestyle 'My 36K-sized breasts left me feeling like an alien but I was denied reduction surgery' Read More Pick your friends wisely ![]()
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